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The Smile Zone

Fun Stuff on SquirrelNet

Darwin Awards

BEST OF THE NET

Yahoo! Entertainment > Humor

 Amused.com - The Centre For The Easily Amused. 

 Brain Food: Cryptogram Maker

Wonders of the Web - Some Adult Links - Be Careful

Great Sites

Cool Web Sites

Slipups.com - Movie and TV Bloopers and Mistakes and More 

A2ZBIZ - Site Excellence AWARD 

Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road.
But why he crossed I've not been told.
 

Ernest Hemingway:
To die.  In the rain.
 

Grandpa:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.  Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
 

Aristotle:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
 

Karl Marx:
It was an historical inevitability.
 

Freud:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
 
 

Captain James T. Kirk:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
 

Fox Mulder:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes.  How many more chickens have to cross the road brfore you believe it?
 

Albert Einstein:
Did that chicken cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
 

Bill Clinton:
I did not cross the road with that chicken.
 

The Bible:
And God came down from the Heavens and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road".  And the chicken did so, and there was much rejoicing.
 

1972 - The perfect high
2002 - The perfect high-yield mutual fund

1972 - KEG
2002 - EKG

1972 - Acid rock
2002 - Acid reflux

1972 - Moving to California because it''s cool
2002 - Moving to California because it's warm

1972 - Gowing pot
2002 - Growing a  pot belly

1972 - Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2002 - Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1972 - Taking acid
2002 - Taking Antacid

1972 - Passing the driver's test
2002 - Passing the vision test

1972 - Whatever
2002 - Depends

1972 - Popping pills, smoking joints
2002 - popping joints

1972 - Killer weed
2002 - Weed killer

1972 - The Grateful Dead
2002 - Dr. Kevorkian

1972 - Going to a hip, new joint
2002 - Getting a new hip joint

1972 - Rolling Stones
2002 - Kidney stones

1972 - Called into the principal's office
2002 - Calling the principal's office

 1972 -Disco 
2002 - Costco

1972 - Screw the system
2002 - Upgrade the system

1972 - Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2002 - Children begging you to get their heads shaved
 

1)  No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize a cat.
2)  When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3)  If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.  They always catch the second person.
4)  Never ask your 3 year-old brother to hold a tomato.
5)  You can't trust a dog to watch your food
6)  Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7)  Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8)  You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk
9)  Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10)  The best place to be when you are sad is Grandpa's lap.

1)  Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2)  Wrinkles don't hurt.
3)  Families are like fudge...mostly sweet...and a few nuts.
4)  Laughing is good exercise.  It's like jogging on the inside.
5)  Middle age is when you choose cereal for the fiber, not the fun.
 

Great truths about growing old

1)  Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.
2)  Forget health food.  You need all the preservatives you can get.
3)  When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4)  You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you got from a roller coaster.
5)  It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody asks you the questions.
6)  Time may be a great healer but it's a lousy beautician.

1)  You believe in Santa Clause
2)  You don't believe in Santa Clause
3)  You are Santa Clause
4)  You look like Santa Clause
 

Success

At age 4 success is......not peeing your pants.
At age 12 success is....having friends.
At age 16 success is....having a driver's license
At age 20 success is....having sex.
At age 35 success is....having money.
At age 50 success is....having money.
At age 60 success is....having sex.
At age 70 success is....having a driver's license.
At age 75 success is....having friends.
At age 80 success is....not peeing your pants.